I am going to set myself on fire...

this is a lie... I would never, burn wounds are weird that way, the body works in mysterious ways, if you burn yourself the body makes this little water ballon of skin where you are burned... like "hey thats hot and dry... WATOOOOOOR!"

Body and mind are linked... right? so I was wondering, you mind gets burned... what does it do? does it hose itself down with ice cold water, it make's sense. If a person gets "burned" intellectually she/he usually reciprocates in a cold heartless demenor... as a way of saying "I dont care what you just said"

One thing left, spirit/heart etc. it must aswel retaliate in some way? But I dont think if a heart gets burned it cools down... if anything it just burns more, a white-hot flame OR it shuts down, hibernates. People work in mysterious ways.

Wow, I'm watching this movie, in the time it takes this guy's girlfriend to shout "Monty" twice he gets out of the tub, dries himself, does his hair and gets dressed... quite baffling, I wish i could do that when I'm late for school and smell like a dead baboons rotten ass... and sweaty.

I hate this chair, I've spent the last week in this chair when I'm at home, and if I'm not at school I'm home. Alone, cold, bored, watching tv, making my mind mold. I hate being alone, not the kindof alone where a friend can come over and cheer me up (allthough it would make the evenings less boring) but the kind of alone where you can't feel closeness of another person, the warm flow of somebody who really cares and really loves AND likes you.

I'm tired, brain is pretty mushy right now, been watching tv for about 5 hours now... 200+ channels and not one program worth watching, waste of money if you ask me but then again it's not my money and they consider it money well spent on sport programs to watch golf. I wish I had alot of money, i'd spend it wisely. Now I know what you're thinking "HAH! Haffi spending money wisely, give me a break" but I think if I had ALOT of money I could spend it for classes, yoga, drama workshops, new clothes, paint for my walls, christmas presents for my family and friends. My theaory is that when you have little money ALL the time you will spend it for candy, videos, food, fast food, trinkets, coffee, tea... Don't get me wrong, if I had ALOT of money I would of course buy all those little things BUT I would also have new clothes and such. I would pay to get into a good school so I can have a happier life.

Ah, the rythm I had is going, you know what that meens when you start typing slower and dont know what to say, it usually meens that this post will end soon enough.

Too many people read this thing, so many things one can't vent.

friends
love
pressure
future
school
life
fun
work
family
me
health
body
soul
mind
energy is needed...

I tried to write a poem today, about nearly falling asleep in class, the first verse is allright... then it went downhill from there.

I haven't spoken to Tom for a long while, I wonder if he's mad at me or hurt because the last time we talked I was on a pretty big bummer and I just couldn't get into what he wanted to talk about. I was maybe a little overly harsh... I hope he's ok.

I figured out why you feel like you're falling when you look down from a cliff or a tall building, because when things are far away they look smaller, right? That's what happens, you look down and the base of the building/cliff/wall etc. looks more narrow than where you're standing ergo you feel like the base is kindof behind you rather than under you = it can't be stable so you fall.

I want this song... I can't recall what it's called. A big part of the lyrics or chorus is something like "thrash dot slash dot thrash dot com" or something.... do you know it?

I love you guys, even if you don't hear me say it enough, even if I don't call you, don't hang with you or don't see you alot, I do love you... but I can't change the way I am but rest assured that I probably treat every one in my life just the same way as I do you. I love you and I wish it was enough.

rule of thumbs you guys: Love! just love the people you do love, hug when you want to, smile at everybody you wish happiness and just smile when you read sappy stuff like this. I try to follow my own advice, allthough I must admit I have my bad days... but it gets easier. My experience is that when you do this good things come naturally.

Good night *lights out*

~Haffi